The past week has been a struggle for me energy wise, even more so than most. It is never a surprise when I get a plummet. Like many who suffer with Sjogren’s or other connective tissue diseases, my energy can wax and wane somewhat from day to day. The fatigue overall is relentless.
Even within a day, I may start off strong only to wither away by lunch. Likewise, I could be in my housecoat until brunch barely moving; then pick up speed throughout the day, finishing strong at 10 p.m.
On the “good days” I tend to “over do”, resulting in subsequent days trying to restore and rejuvenate my aching body, my tired mind. Most of the time my life feels like the cliché: “one step forward, two steps backward”.
Learning where the fine line is between not enough and too much is a constant battle for me. I’m the Goldilocks of activity.
Today this quote came up on my Facebook page as a memory from nine years ago:
“You can’t get much done in life if you only work on the days you feel good.” ~ Jerry West.
Well, that explains a few things.
I never feel good, I just feel less bad. I cannot even remember the last time I woke up in the morning, and popped out of bed thinking I was James Brown “I feel good. I knew that I would!”
In general, humans believe the people who are successful are so because they motivate themselves and give life their best regardless of how they feel. To be successful, people must persevere. I do not dispute that whatsoever.
It is also common belief if someone isn’t working hard, or “up to their potential”, they must certainly be “lazy”, or the more polite term “unmotivated”.
If there is one thing having the several autoimmune diseases I’ve been diagnosed with has taught me, it is not to judge other people. If someone isn’t able to take care of business, getting stuff done, I am more than willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. There must be a good reason for their ineffectiveness, or lower productivity. However, I have immense difficulty not judging myself.
Acceptance of my finite amount of energy is difficult for me. I’ve always been a planner, a dreamer, and a doer. When you have high expectations of yourself, it makes sense your lack of ability to follow through would leave you feeling less than adequate.
So, what does keep me slogging along, getting as much done as possible despite my exhaustion?
The answer came today. Not as a revelation, but a reminder.
I saw an email ad for a seminar with life coach Mary Morrissey, in it she said even for a fully fueled rocket to be launched into space, it requires a booster rocket. She believes people are like that too. Even though we may be ready to launch, we still require a booster rocket too.
Thank you to my booster rockets – the people who don’t blow sunshine up my butt saying I can do anything, but who encourage me to do the best I can with what I have on any given day. Who knows? Someday I might really take off.