Waking this morning, my first thought before even opening my eyes was: what day is it today? Which was quickly followed by Saturday – April 1st – April Fool’s Day – also the first day of Sjogren’s Awareness Month.
I was then awake enough to roll over and open my eyes. But before opening my eyes each morning, I first must, ever so gently, rub each of my closed eyelids with a finger. Massaging lightly over the entire surface of my closed eyelid allows it to delicately detach any part of the lid that might be stuck to my cornea due to night time dryness. To most, this would seem a ridiculous and unnecessary activity prior to getting out of bed, however it is crucial for me. After numerous painful rips and damage to my cornea due to dry eyes caused by Sjogren’s Syndrome, I finally remember never to just pop my eyes open upon waking.
Immediately after getting my eyelids open, I reach over for the eye drops on the night table plopping a couple drops into each eye. I do this with a great deal of care as well, not because it is an intricate procedure but because eye drops are so damn expensive they might as well be liquid gold so I dare not waste a single drop with poor aim.
After putting the drops in, my vision appears as though clouded due to light fog permeating the house. There is no fog, and my vision is fine, but the drops I use first thing in morning are to replace the lipid layer in my eye which several years ago the optometrist told me was nearly non-existent. The drops look like milk, and contain lipids which most simplistically are fats, vitamins, and other things that help preserve eye surface health. While I wait for the foggy white vision to dissipate, I sip on a bit of water to quench my dry mouth, and do gentle restorative yoga while still cozy in bed.
Throughout the day I replenish and refresh my eyes a multitude of times with another type of drop which is even more expensive but is lighter and within a few blinks does not cloud my vision. Before going to bed at night I coat my eyes with an ointment prescribed by a specialist which I need to prevent cornea rips during sleep. After the ointment is in and has coated my eye surface, I add a couple drops in each eye of yet another type of eye drop this one a thick gel. I have become fastidious regarding my night rituals, since as you can imagine once my eyes are “gooped up” for the night, all other activities requiring vision must cease.
So why, you may ask, am I telling you about what I do to my eyes? Well, my realization it was both April Fool’s Day and the start of Sjogren’s Awareness Month, also had me wondering what if Sjogren’s was all just a big joke (albeit a perverse, nasty mean one)? How wonderful to wake one morning, maybe even today, to discover it had all been a bad, bad dream. I knew that to be sheer fanciful thinking; I didn’t take the chance to pop my eyelids wide open, risking a tear. It did give me pause for thought though – how would my life be different if I didn’t have Sjogren’s? I can only imagine, but for this month instead of thinking of “what might have been”, I will share with you my “what is”.
P.S. Obviously this website is hosted/shows time on the other side of the world from me, as I see the date as already tomorrow. Time flies fast enough, I don’t like them showing me today is already over when it is’t where I live, and isn’t that all that counts? 🙂