Mr. Wanton’s transplant medications make him prone to skin cancer, so for Father’s Day I bought him a SPF 50+ hat. I ordered it from Coolibar.* The package from the USA took over a month to arrive. Yesterday, he wore his hat for the first time.

Headed out to mow the grass, Mr. Wanton had on long pants, a sun protective hoodie, and his new hat. He also had on his “PPE” – a facemask and goggles – not because of any danger but because he has seasonal allergies. He is allergic to every type of vegetation in our rural yard, except spruce. Finally geared up, off he went.

While he was mowing, I was inside vacuuming. I noticed the ride-on lawnmower parked in the shade outside the living room and he was kneeling down doing something beside it. I was unconcerned as he occasionally tunes up the mower mid-job.

About 20 minutes later, he stepped into the house holding up a long, dirty, ripped, and torn rag. I was confused. Why was he showing me the rag he was using while repairing the mower?

“I ran over my hat.”

“THAT’S your hat? Your brand new hat?” I knew the answer but asked anyway, not wanting to believe it.

I started to laugh uncontrollably. I could barely breathe. I managed to gasp, “How?”

“My goggles fogged up because of the heat (31C). I couldn’t see where I was going. I got too close to the edge of the yard. I thought I was going over the 150 foot bank, so I quickly put the mower in reverse. Then I backed into some branches, my hat came off, I ran over it, getting it tangled in the blade. Apparently you can be wearing too much PPE, and be unsafe.”

He smiled; sort of.

Then I remembered how much I paid for the hat. Seventy dollars $US. I picked out that hat specifically because it had the widest brim as well as a cord you could cinch up. If Mr. Wanton was in the boat zipping around the lake and his hat flew off, it would not get blown away. Even though I was still laughing, my eyes welled up with tears at the thought of how much I had spent.

“Don’t order me another hat.”

“Don’t worry, I definitely won’t. You will be getting a $5.00 sombrero from the bargain store instead!”

Mr. Wanton located his old hat in the closet; slapped it on his head. He went out to finish the yard. I finally got control of my convulsive laughter, but one glance at the de-constructed hat on the floor and I started all over again.

Coolibar has lifetime fabric warranty. It might be worth sending the hat back, just to imagine the face of the customer service representative pulling it out of the package…and to anticipate the reply we might receive in return.

*Note: I have no financial interest in the Coolibar sun protection clothing company. I have purchased numerous cotton/bamboo jackets from them over the last decade.  I love my Coolibar hoodies.